Simply Feminine � Surprising Insights from Men Read online

  Simply Feminine – Surprising Insights from Men

  by Morgan Wonderly

  Cover Design By Chaz DeSimone

  Photography by Starla Fortunato

  Copyright © 2017 by Morgan Wonderly

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher and author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  ISBN: 978-1-944177-55-3 (p)

  ISBN: 978-1-944177-56-0 (e)

  Crescendo Publishing, LLC

  300 Carlsbad Village Drive

  Ste. 108A, #443

  Carlsbad, California 92008-2999

  1-877-575-8814

  A Gift from the Author

  Praise for Simply Feminine

  “Simply Feminine is a cutting-edge exploration into how women can rediscover their femininity from the viewpoint of men who behold and adore them.”

  – John Gray Ph.D.,

  #1 New York Times Bestselling Author of Men Are from Mars,

  Women are from Venus

  “Never has a book spoken so clearly and honestly about the need for gender equality instead of gender neutrality. In my 40-year global journey studying and teaching authentic leadership and effective relationship principles, I am shocked by the masculinity movement among women as a misguided ticket to the corporate boardroom and the feminization of men to make them appear gentler. Morgan Wonderly is laser-accurate in her research and message on the true essence of male-female interaction. This is an urgent, must-read book!”

  – Dr. Denis Waitley,

  Internationally recognized speaker and author of 16 books, including The Seeds of Greatness

  “Femininity is a natural and beautiful part of human nature when used authentically and absent manipulative intent. In Simply Feminine, Morgan Wonderly reveals the natural essence of femininity from a man’s perspective and the role it plays in loving and sustainable relationships.”

  – Sharon Lechter,

  International Bestselling Author of Think and Grow Rich for Women, and Co-author of Outwitting the Devil, Three Feet from Gold

  and Rich Dad, Poor Dad

  “As a founder of the “Make a Wish Foundation,” I care deeply about the betterment of humanity. I recommend Simply Feminine because its refreshing message promotes love, appreciation and cooperation between men and women.”

  – Frank Shankwitz,

  A Founder of the Make-A-Wish Foundation,

  Co-author of Once Upon a Wish and Wishman

  “I am beyond impressed with Simply Feminine. This is a book every man and woman needs to read. We have lost so much in our relationships where women have become more like men and men have become more like women. As we meet in an androgynous middle, we lose all that we love about each other and, more importantly, what we NEED from each other to feel loved. This is one of those rare books where we intuitively know the absolute truth of what is written and need to be reminded what it is we love and admire about the opposite sex.”

  – Parviz Firouzgar,

  Bestselling Author of “Side Effects May Include Happiness”

  “A rare and valuable guide for understanding men and their adoration and appreciation of women’s femininity.”

  – Greg S. Reid,

  Author and Co-author of numerous books including

  Co-author of Three Feet from Gold

  “I wholeheartedly endorse Morgan Wonderly’s book for providing a much needed roadmap for women and men to celebrate their differences and come together in cooperation vs competition.”

  – Berny Dohrmann,

  Author of Redemption, the Cooperation Revolution

  Founder of CEO Space International,

  Forbes #1 ranked business growth conference

  “What I learned from reading this insightful, eye-opening guide to true and powerful femininity was that my own femininity was not a weakness, but one of my greatest strengths. For decades I had disguised my femininity in masculine attire and consciousness, relinquishing all of the joys and inner power that accompany the expression of my true and buried femininity. Today I joyfully dance in the fullest expression of who I am at the deepest level of my soul…by being ‘Simply feminine.”

  – Dr. Marilyn Joyce,

  Author of Instant E.N.E.R.G.Y.™

  and Founder of Kick Cancer in The Can®

  “A must read for ALL men and women. Finally, sanity prevails in how to have a loving relationship between a man and a woman. Forget feminism, embrace your femininity!”

  – Aimee Elizabeth,

  Bestselling Author of Poverty Sucks! How to Become a Self-Made Millionaire

  Dedication

  This book is dedicated to all the good men, most especially the many men who so generously gave of their time to share their honest thoughts, feelings, and desires on a topic they are rarely invited to speak—the topic of women’s femininity. I am grateful to each and every one of you!

  “At the heart of mankind’s existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another.”

  – Gary Chapman,

  The 5 Love Languages

  Table of Contents

  Introduction

  The Trellis and the Vine

  Part 1

  Chapter 1: Whatever Happened to Femininity?

  Chapter 2: Femininity in the Eyes of Men

  Chapter 3: Understanding the Nature of Men

  Chapter 4: Restoring Masculine-Feminine Polarity

  Chapter 5: Has “Need” Become a Four-Letter Word?

  Chapter 6: What Men Need from Us

  Part 2

  Chapter 7: Feminine Attitudes Men Love

  Chapter 8: Feminine Looks Men Love

  Chapter 9: Feminine Sensuality Men Love

  Chapter 10: Be “Simply Feminine” in Seven Steps

  Appendix

  References

  Recommended Resources

  Message from the Author

  About the Author

  Connect with the Author

  Acknowledgments

  Introduction

  In the fall of 2006, having been divorced for two years and missing that emotional intimacy that only comes from a love relationship, I was keenly interested in exploring every piece of wisdom I could find on the subject of relationships. I learned about an upcoming David Deida seminar near my home in San Diego, California that I eagerly decided to attend. That evening he went deep into the topic of masculine-feminine polarity and why it’s so important in today’s relationships. The words I heard that evening were refreshing revelations to me. That was the night I had my first epiphany that inspired the writing of this book on femininity.

  Not long after that evening, my friend Robert came to visit me from New Zealand. We started discussing the idea of my writing a book on femininity. Then, at a key point, he said something I’ve never forgotten…

  “If only women knew how much good men truly love them and value their femininity.”

  His heartfelt comment moved me in a profound way. I suddenly had an “aha moment” when I realized how much we women could learn from men regarding our feminine worth. It was at that moment that I had my second epiphany—why not write a book on femininity from the perspective of men?

  So began what became an incredible ten-year journey—of discovering the nature of femininity from men’s point of view. This quest became a burning passio
n for me. Over the course of these past years, I’ve spent thousands of hours talking with men from a wide variety of backgrounds and ages, both in the U.S. and abroad, to learn what they considered feminine in women. Curious to hear what they had to say, I listened carefully to their responses. I found this process to be full of surprises, many pleasant and delightful, while others were heartbreaking.

  I found pretty quickly that men are not used to women asking them for their honest opinions, especially in our hyper-politically-correct culture. In many cases, it took time to earn their trust so they felt safe to speak openly and honestly. Once they did open up, men shared information they wished women knew.

  Despite differences in age and backgrounds, I found common threads in what men love in women. Across the board they expressed a deep appreciation and respect for femininity, while also revealing how much they miss it and long for its return.

  This book is for women who have always felt at the core of their hearts a pull toward their femininity. It is for women who want to experience the thrill that comes from the attraction between opposite energies. After all, we feminine women do crave masculine men. We can’t help it because it’s in our nature to do so.

  Feminine Women and Masculine Men

  To make reading this book as streamlined as possible, unless I specify otherwise, when I say “men,” I refer to masculine men, and when I say “women,” I refer to feminine women. True—to varying degrees, each of us has a mixture of masculine and feminine energies, and this leads to a variety of gender types. My philosophy is that everyone should explore their own energies in a way that resonates with them, and that no group or individual (myself included!) should be bullied or judged for being true to their own inner calling. Note that although this book is intended for heterosexuals, the same principles of polarity are also applicable to same-sex couples. For those who resonate with other orientations, there are other authors who are more qualified to explore different gender perspectives.

  Recognizing a Good Man

  Like us, men aren’t perfect. Yet, most men do have good hearts and a masculine core. So, when I write about men here, I am referring to good men. These real men are protectors and providers, reliable, responsible, honorable, strong, trustworthy, benevolent, confident, competent, and secure in themselves. We intuitively want these masculine qualities in men. When we observe men with insecure tendencies—being “bad boys,” Peter Pans, passive-aggressive, manipulative, narcissistic, or having the need to put others down to feel important—we intuitively know they do not represent the best in masculine men. Refer to the appendix for a list of traits to choose in men, as well as traits to avoid.

  What I’ve learned and want to share with you is that it’s our authentic femininity that brings out the finest in men. As we rediscover the true feminine in ourselves, we can look forward to attracting our counterparts in men—men who exhibit the true masculine qualities we know we want.

  This Book Is for Women Who:

  Feel out of sync with their natural feminine essence; overwhelmed and exhausted from operating in a “pseudo-masculine” role.

  Have a subtle, yet deep calling to return to their femininity.

  Desire to have a rest-of-life love relationship with a healthy masculine man.

  Want to play the feminine role in their relationship.

  Are open to making simple-yet-profound shifts to be a feminine woman who attracts a quality man (or to restore a relationship/marriage that has broken down).

  Wish to break free of cultural conditioning that demonizes and discourages femininity.

  In This Book, You Will Learn:

  Why abandoning our femininity weakened us.

  How masculinity complements our femininity.

  How masculine-feminine polarity has eroded.

  Why men need feminine women.

  What feminine looks and attitudes men love.

  Surprising insights about femininity from the perspective of men.

  Results You Can Expect from Practicing These Principles:

  Having a newfound appreciation for your femininity.

  Accepting yourself as a feminine woman.

  Feeling happier.

  Trusting your intuition more readily.

  Having a new appreciation of masculinity.

  Opening up your heart to love.

  Being more vulnerable and authentic with men.

  Receiving more attention from masculine men.

  Feeling more beautiful.

  Having deeper inner peace.

  These are only some of the benefits you’ll enjoy; however, don’t simply take my word for it. Read this book and discover the undeniable rewards for yourself. If you put these ideas into practice, they just might change your life. They did mine!

  Suggestions for Enhancing What You Learn from This Book:

  Tips for Reading and Reviewing This Book

  Because each chapter builds on the preceding one, I suggest that you first read this book in order from beginning to end. Like learning any new language or skill, you’ll get better with repetition and practice. I recommend that you review this book more than once if you want to get the most from these concepts and ensure this information becomes a part of you. These concepts are so important to having loving relationships with men that you’ll find I’ve reverberated the most important ones several times across the chapters. I’ve also provided recaps at the end of each chapter for a quick reference of topics covered.

  Journaling

  Use a journal to write down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences as you navigate through these pages. Answer the exploration questions at the end of each chapter. Expressing your innermost thoughts and feelings on paper is an important way to reflect on the information and tools in this book. Journaling is wonderful for self-analysis.

  Working Collaboratively in a Group

  Assemble a group of women and use this book as a workbook. Discuss the ideas and implement the strategies for one chapter each week for ten weeks. Use the exploration questions as weekly assignments, and then discuss the outcomes at the next meeting.

  Disclaimer

  Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

  I am not a doctor or psychologist. I cannot guarantee that these concepts will help everyone. In some cases, a person may need to seek professional help.

  The Trellis and the Vine

  An Allegory to Illustrate Masculinity and Femininity

  An old wooden trellis stood in a lovely but neglected garden. This strong, sturdy trellis felt sad and alone because he had not been in use for many years; no flowers or vines adorned his old, weathered frame. Thinking he had little purpose, he often wondered why he even existed.

  One day a new gardener was hired. After seeing the barren trellis, the gardener carried over a lovely vine and asked the trellis if he would kindly supply the structure and direction needed for the vine to thrive. The trellis eagerly accepted the offer, delighted to at last have a beautiful vine to care for and support. Besides feeling purposeful, he also felt thrilled to be adorned with such beauty and softness caressing his framework. He longed to protect her so that she could flourish and shine in her radiant glory.

  Over time, and with the trellis’ support, the vine grew more lush, confident, and beautiful by the day. She played freely and happily because she felt safe and secure in the trellis’ arms. She knew she could depend on his stability and strength. She loved entwining her bright leaves throughout his willing frame. He enjoyed feeling useful by supporting her, and he delighted in watching her play and grow. The two united into a perfect visual delight that people often stopped to admire.

  Soon, couples asked to say their wedding vows beneath the beautiful shade of the trellis and the vine. Before long, several wedding celebrations happened under their united beauty every week, yet none of the wedded couples stopped to think about what created such beauty.

  Without the vine, the trellis would have ap
peared boring, drab, and lifeless. Without the supportive trellis, the vine’s radiant beauty could not have been nurtured and showcased.

  –Morgan Wonderly

  The allegory of the trellis and the vine illustrates beautifully the gifts of pure masculinity and pure femininity. Note that none of us is purely masculine or feminine; however, keeping this story in mind will help you understand our more basic biological differences as you read through this book.

  Part 1

  Chapter 1

  Whatever Happened to Femininity?

  “Those of us who embrace the feminine know its strength.”

  – Betsy Cornwell, author

  My Story

  As a little girl growing up, I was deeply in touch with my femininity. My favorite pastime was playing house with my dolls. Highly artistic, I envisioned creating a beautiful home. From an early age, my world revolved around my future family life. These dreams made me happy!

  As I got older, my dreams further evolved to include marrying a loving man I could count on, having children with him, and living a fulfilling life in a lovely home of our own that included an art studio where I could paint.

  By the time I was a young adult in the 70’s, the women’s liberation movement was in full swing, with all the enthusiasm that comes with a new, exciting trend rippling through the culture. In the midst of this era, I felt as if my life aspirations to be a wife and stay-at-home mother were suddenly being attacked. And when I shared my family life dreams with girlfriends, they would respond with statements like, “Be realistic, it’s a new era.” “Don’t count on marriage.” “You’d better think about starting a career.”

  Upon hearing these messages, I felt the energy drain from my body as my dreams seemed to evaporate right before my eyes. From every direction I was inundated with suggestions that I should strive to be as independent and powerful as a man—in other words, to give up being the woman I wanted to be.